02 October 2012

OKCupid, Fire Your Arrows

"I don't want to see or be seen by straight people."

I finally caved in an resubscribed to okCupid, an online dating website, last week. What I like about the website is the comprehensive list of questions which, upon answering, match you with people with whom you are potentially most compatible. The questions are answered in three parts: your response, the response you would like to receive from your partner, and the importance of said question to whether or not you would date someone.

Our dating life probably wouldn't go very far unless you were a top, since I am a bottom.

These questions range from physical attraction, political and social interests, and habits to sexual compatibility, personality traits, and interests. Sure there is often that oddball question like, "In a certain light, wouldn't nuclear war be exciting?" No, seriously. That's a question. They also allow you to explain your answers which can be especially useful for the more vague and/or controversial questions they ask.

There's an app for that!

I first came upon okCupid when I moved to New York a few years ago and dated a guy I met through the website for a few months. I'm glad you're able to go back and change your answers to questions because, now that I actually am more ready for and willing to be in a relationship, my views on certain things as well as my expectations and desires have changed as well - and the guys with whom I'm matched need to reflect that. Speaking of reflections, I found the following entry I wrote toward the end of my senior year in high school.
It is when you are presented with new and potentially beneficial opportunities that you begin to question and even doubt yourself. Do you deserve to be happy? Usually, the answer is a half-screamed "of course!" but then you step back and ask yourself another question, "what and how much do I really deserve?"

For me these, and many more, questions present themselves whenever a new love interest comes into my life. Usually I prefer to fly solo, that's just how I am. Sure, I love to flirt and have crushes but ultimately I thrive best when I'm not thinking about being a we. The reason behind this is most probably due to my current job description: seventeen year old high school senior. That will probably change in the future.

I don't think that I need or want to be in a romantic relationship at this point in my life. It's a fun idea to play with but let's be honest - for the past two years I've been using men as a means of making myself feel better and, while I get the momentary satisfaction, I ultimately end up feeling like a douche. I've discovered that hookups, while potentially fun, are not really my thing.

I digress. I deserve to be happy and should expect more of myself and those with whom I become romantically involved. I am not shooting for an unattainably high standard. I just want more out of life than a blaze of glory and decline into the bleakness of unsatisfactory impersonal sexcapades. I want to unlock my potential, actually I just want my last high school Spring Break!
I'm currently accepting boyfriend applications so feel free to check out my okCupid profile here and see if we're a match!

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